Blog post written for brick-and-mortar stationery store in Boulder, Colorado.
WARNING: A “back in my day” rant is forthcoming.
When I was a kid growing up in the, ahem, 1970’s and 80’s, there was a well established tradition of gift giving among extended family members on all major and various minor holidays, AND… it was an equally well observed practice that the children receiving these gifts would express their gratitude in the form of a handwritten thank you note. To be clear, this was not looked upon as exemplary behavior or extra credit in any sense. This was expected. Furthermore, this was by no means unique to my family or region, but rather a widely embraced cultural norm. And while we children did often offer the initial resistance typical to any obligatory activity, here’s the thing – it really wasn’t such an awful chore. In fact, sometimes it was downright entertaining!
In our household, we usually had a decent supply of card making materials: construction paper and scissors, markers, colored pencils, glue and even some fun bits of decorative paper (often just the surviving scraps of favorite holiday gift wrap scrounged away by my ultra-thrifty mother), so we were encouraged to really go for it – the more handmade, the better! My siblings and I would huddle around the kitchen table and inspire one another with our ideas. We’d cut out and glue intricate snowflakes to cards with drawings of ourselves wearing new scarves or hats recently received from a favorite aunt or grandparent, and stretch the limits of our fledgling writing skills to express our thanks. We dropped into a purposeful state of flow and bonded with each other in the process.
FAST FORWARD TO PRESENT DAY.
To say that the art of the written thank you note among today’s youth is not quite up to the standards of yesteryear would be a massive understatement. As the parents of 8 and 12 year olds, neither of whom are enthusiastic or even particularly willing thank you note writers, we can’t claim to have done our part to keep the tradition alive. I will say, however, when we recently insisted that our kids write to thank their grandparents for birthday gifts, I observed elements of that same phenomenon occurring for them that I experienced in youth. After some resistance, they found the zone and produced work they felt great about, and that Grammy and PopPop cherished – at least they said they did.
So, how did we get them to “drop in” and willingly craft some well-made and thoughtful letters?
Here’s a couple of things we did, and a few more ideas that might be helpful to get your kids to embrace the activity of Writing Thank You Notes:
1. MAKE IT FUN! (Well, duh – but how?)
While all out bribing doesn’t seem advisable, what feels good to us is to incorporate some special treat into the activity time itself to create a positive association with the process – yeah, I’m talking about sugar. Offering some cocoa or fresh-baked cookies has proven to increase card making productivity for our kids, but if you’re avoiding extra sweets, maybe letting them listen to their favorite playlist or podcast during the session would feel equally rewarding.
2. PREPARE AN ATTRACTIVE WORKSTATION
Clear off the kitchen table (or your chosen workspace) and have their supplies organized in a visually appealing way to stimulate their senses and get them considering the possibilities. Chances are that if you have kids, you already have much of what you need to get started, but a local craft supply store will have any final items you might be missing. If you want to take it to the next level, consider incorporating some beautiful handmade decorative papers like these for dramatic accents. They cost a bit more, but you won’t need much as a little bit goes a long way.
3. GET IN THERE WITH THEM
Whether there is a specific end result in mind – like a thank you note – or just trying to encourage creative flow time, we find it almost always yields better results if we join in. It shows the kids that we really value the activity, and it gives us a chance to bond through a common purpose.
4. CELEBRATE THE CREATIVE PROCESS OVER THE FINAL PRODUCT
Remember (and remind them) that the end goal is not necessarily an artistic masterpiece, but rather a heartfelt expression of gratitude. We try to generously encourage our kids’ ideas and efforts, and offer suggestions only if solicited, and even then only to expand on their work rather than to change anything. Having them feel good about their work is way more important than meeting any aesthetic ideal and this attitude will no doubt foster more willingness in the future.
5. MEET THEM WHERE THEY ARE
Kids are very individual creators – some will embrace the all out-fill the entire space-creative extravaganza, and some will have a more spare sensibility. There’s no right or wrong, and any genuine expression will be cherished by the recipients. Some kids may even resist the entire card making process, but feel good about the writing part. If that’s the case, consider picking up some of these great notecard packs and let your kid’s inner author shine.
Ultimately, getting kids to write thank you notes should be about having a good time and reminding them why it’s important to do so in the first place – because it means so much to our loved ones to feel that their generosity is appreciated and to simply feel connected by a thoughtful act.
And if all that falls on deaf ears, you can always tell them that writing thank you notes might even encourage relatives to give more generously and frequently.